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Jaxom doesn't have a clue where he is. All he's been able to get out of the locals is that he's in The Present Place, which is inhabited by The People. He doesn't have a way off planet, there are absolutely no bars, and the indigenous species reproduces by mitosis and appear to be immune to his charms and pheromones. It's so ridiculously unfair.

At least it's a nudist planet. And The People aren't half bad to look at.

So here he is, camped out halfway down a long pier, pondering the theft of the closest (non-alcoholic) beverage he can get his hands on while he waits for Mavek to hit it lucky on Planetary Roulette.

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It's definitely Planetary Roulette, what with the lack of a name and the fact that Wrist Straps can go wide of the mark.

He ended up on that weird bouncy planet with the blobs, one that's under military rule which required fast talking and a planetoid he dallied on a bit because there was a very sexy Syryn there to greet him!

But finally he arrives at the Present Place, a number of bottles of hypervodka under one arm and his poodle Puff under the other.

What will the People make of that one wonders!

Jaxom is rather obvious amongst the green-scaled People, not being green himself. Fortunately, the same can be said of his ex-partner, who is (for some reason) wearing an incredibly... red... uniform. And has a fluffy something in addition to the booze.

He lifts his wristcomp and starts pressing buttons, activating the short-range radio. "Only you would wear clothes to a nudist planet."

"Well, I wasn't going to bother, but there's a few planets around here were the penalty for nudity is death and I didn't want to disappoint you." John grins. "Plus, now I can strip off!" He makes a seductive little move.

Puff meanwhile has escaped and is now sniffing everything in sight, but fortunately not biting.

"You're looking niiiiice!" Is his greeting and to Hell with mitosis, have a snog, Jax!

Jaxom, of course, is more delighted by the booze than he is his ex, but he wasn't raised by wolves so he returns the kiss, albeit slightly less enthusiastically.

"Welcome to hell!" It's better than The Present Place. But at least the surfing is decent. (Mind your ankles; the sharksquids like the taste of human.)

Obligatory greeting done, Jaxom snags one of the bottles and clasps it to his bare chest. "Oh yeah, baby. I've missed you so."

How rude! John'll let Jax off, because, hey he's had a terrible time.

The aliens attractive as they are have already lost interest! In him! With his cheekbones!

"How exactly did you end up here anyway?"

Jaxom is temporarily too busy trying to drown himself in sweet, sweet liquor, but he eventually comes up for air and shrugs. "You know how it is... you're in a hurry, you don't care where you end up, you enter in some random coordinates that you know go somewhere, and then your wristcomp goes on the fritz when you land. Happens all the time."

It doesn't actually.

But then, he's a little more distracted by a teensy little detail he's just now noticed. "You're lookin' a little grey there, pumkin'."

Aaah! That's how a person should respond to hypervodka! None of this sissy sniffing at it and taking a little gulp.

He's about to make a comment about 'lasting much longer', but Jack's comment distracts and distresses him. "Gray? GRAY? Me?"

It can't be!

"Yeah. Just a little bit. If I didn't know any better..." And yeah, those are lines around his eyes too. Not a lot, thanks to good genes (natural or otherwise) and personal vanity, but they're still there. "Aren't you a little old to be stalking your ex?" Surely there's a contemporary version of him somewhere. Unless he dies horribly sometime in the near future...

MOAR VODKA IS NEEDED.

That makes both of them...have another hypervodka Jack. John toasts him with the one he's got and down the hatch!

Finally he comes up for air. "Where I came from you're waaaaaaay older than I am, you're losing your hair even!" He smirks.

Jaxom is burdened with the mental image of himself, old and decrepit, whacking youngsters with his cane. He groans out loud. "Fuck that, I never want to look that old. Sweet alcohol poisoning, take me away." Not that it's physically possible for him to get that drunk; gene therapy is a marvelous thing. But he can have fun trying, right?

He takes another long pull at the hypervodka, thinking. "So why are you still hanging around an old geezer like me in the future, anyway? ...oh God, don't tell me we got married or something."

"I hear alcohol poisoning isn't all that it's cracked up to be." Not that he's in danger of it either, at least not without 99 or so more bottles.

John makes a face. "The you I know isn't exactly a geezer, maybe a bit more pudgy in the middle as well, but there's no adult nappies involved or anything."

Then he pokes his tongue out. "Sure! I'm the husband now," he gives Jax a wink.

♪99 bottles of hypervodka on the wall...♪

It doesn't matter now, he's got the mental image and it's not going away. Jaxom doesn't want to ever grow old. Live fast, die young, leave a good-looking corpse.

He arches an eyebrow. "Oh, really? I seem to remember things differently, wife."

♪ You take one down you pass it around...98 bottles of hypervodka on the wall...♪

John giggles and throws an arm around Jax's shoulder. "Well, you finally agreed I was the manlier one." He winks. "You look simply scrumptious in an apron."

Presently Puff returns to sniff Jax's feet...the lack of shoes in this place is most unfortunate.

Jaxom thinks about shrugging off the arm, but decides against it. He'll let Mavek have his fun. He brought free booze, after all.

And he is going to pretend he did not hear a word about any apron, either.

Jaxom tilts his head at the... thing... that is investigating his feet. "Uh, looks like you picked up a rather... fluffy tagalong. Do I even want to know?"

Awww you're all heart Jax!

"I have! That's Puff...21st century poodle. You wouldn't believe the dog range that century has...I saw one the other day that looked more like a sausage then anything else."

John smirks. "And oi, I'm not that depraved..." Somehow he manages to keep a straight face as he says this. "Although if I was stuck in this place I might get to be." He looks around. "So they wouldn't even bat an eye if I gave 'em a strip show?"

Jaxom snerks into his hypervodka. "Only if you did the strip show backwards. And then it might get you arrested for deliberately disturbing the peace or something."

Well, what a disappointment! Still, when in Rome...

At voila! Have a naked Captain John.

He strikes a pose. "I don't look that old now do I?"

Don't be too nasty now, Jax.

Jaxom looks him up and down in appraisal. "Not bad," he has to admit. "Little saggy 'round the middle, I'm afraid." Poke poke.

Hey, standards tend to slip when you're not employed by the Time Agency anymore. At least, Jaxom assumes he's not, given some of the things Mavek has let slip.

"Oi!" No poking!

Of course, John would be ticklish, so once he gets over the giggles he endeavours to look serious. "You should be grateful to me! I can get you out of the place," he gives his wrist strap a fond stroke. "But if you'd rather stay here..."

Jaxom isn't worried though. "You spent who knows how long tracking me down. You brought me free alcohol. You're not just gonna up and leave so soon."

He raises his eyebrows conspiratorially. "Besides, I promised to take you surfing."

John has to admit defeat...

"Still! You could be nice, won't kill you, you know."

His eyes brighten. "You did indeed! Well c'mon then! Show us your stuff."

Jaxom shakes his head. "Tide won't be right for another hour, and we've still got hypervodka left. Sit down, put your feet up, enjoy the sunshine!"

Not that he doesn't want to see Mavek faceplant into the waves or anything, mind you.

The sunshine is indeed very nice! It's a damn shame it's wasted on these decidedly non-sexual beings.

But more drinking to be had! Face planting is sure to occur either way if they keep this up!

"So! What else have you been getting up to since you ditched me." He pouts.

Wow, bitter much? "I didn't ditch you! ...okay, maybe I did. A little. Give me a break, I didn't know what happened in the last two years and where you stood on... things." He kind of left in a rush, after all.

Anyway. "I haven't been up to anything particularly exciting. Jumping planets every few weeks, jumping timelines, trying to make sure the Agency doesn't notice me, all that fun stuff. I did spend a few days on Caesar's Planet in the Vegas Galaxy, but unfortunately I overshot and ended up there in fifty-six apple two thousand, after gambling was outlawed and the whole planet was repaved into a garden. Nice fruit trees, though. Got a few of their quantum comm numbers."

He is a bit of a sook, isn't he?

"Well...I didn't know they'd wiped two years! S'not like they advertise that sort of thing. Besides, I was stuck on some rock...something about insubordination, typical Agency crap." Goddesses that planetoid was the boringest place in the world...much worse than this planet - it wasn't even nice to look at!

He's vaguely sympathetic about the Vegas Galaxy. "That's right..worst election result ever."

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